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Sex, drugs and sausage rolls: London life, love and other random stuff

Why we should all give Melanie Phillips a great big hug

with 20 comments

Image: Melanie Phillips of the Daily Mail

Melanie Phillips: Absolutely not a lesbian

It’s been a while since I got up on my political soapbox (well, last Thursday at least), But while I gaily chowed down on my low-fat grilled chicken caesar salad, Grindr chirping away happily in the background, the home-made fruit smoothie on my desk perfectly complimenting my purple Abercrombie and Fitch top, I couldn’t help but wonder: what should we really do with Melanie Phillips?

For those of you who have spent the day in a dark room with only mice for company, Melanie Phillips has joined the ranks of the odious Jan Moir to become the Daily Fail’s newest lady-in-hating. As if she hasn’t already got RSI from her constant pearl-clutching over anything remotely not right-wing, in today’s column, she swivels her Sauron’s eye and fixes it squarely on a brand new “Government-backed drive to promote the gay agenda.”

For those of you who don’t speak fluent bigot, she’s referring to the plans laid out today by the Training and Development Agency for Schools, to develop lesson plans in maths, geography and science that ‘celebrate the gay community’. The opt-in scheme will introduce non-sexual depictions of gay life into lessons, with some references to mummies and daddies occasionally being replaced by same-sex couples, and science lessons in which children will learn about other types of family setup, like those of seahorses and certain species of penguins, which rely on the male to care for the young.

Sound like a good plan? Not so, thinks Phillips, who roared that it was a “ruthless campaign by the gay rights lobby to destroy the very ­concept of normal sexual behaviour.”

Yes, that’s right, Melanie. Leftie homo penguins are coming for your children because militant poofs are holding the Government hostage and forcing them to do our bidding by threatening them with a good hard bumming if they don’t.

Sneaky gays.

In fact, while we’re deporting all the queers to Alcatraz, let’s run those coloured people out as well. They’ve gotten into the White House you know — it’s only a matter of time before one will be in No. 10.

The funny thing is, I read the article (don’t worry, the link goes to the Pink Paper’s verbatim reprint) and to be honest, my jaw didn’t drop. I didn’t sit there incensed. I got to the end and the only thing I did was snort and say, “Whatever.”

In my opinion, all Phillips has achieved is showing herself up. It’s pathetic pieces of writing like this — masquerading under the banner of journalism — that keep gay rights at the forefront of public consciousness.

And do you know what? I welcome it.

Think about it. People like Phillips and Moir work for the Mail because it’s the only paper that would have them. They’re preaching to the converted. They’re talking to an audience they know will agree.

Even the Mail’s own token woofter, Andrew Pierce, has been programmed into spouting forth a load of homophobic nonsense on regular occasion. I’d love to have read the ad: “Wanted – gay journalist for right-wing Tory paper. Must be full of self-hatred and be prepared to lambast their own community in every column.”

Their supporters are few and far between, and now, just like our homosexual forefathers, they know they must keep their mouths shut for fear of reprisal. Times they are a-changing, and the boot, it seems, is now firmly on the other foot. It’s just been fierced up a little with a killer heel and some diamante studs.

Yes, the Mail probably sold out today, and yes, the visitors came to the website in their droves to read the article and probably netted the paper a pretty penny in advertising revenue, but so what? They’re going to need it for all those libel cases they’re constantly fighting.

Why do you think those people came? Was it to join forces with the ‘voice of reason’ Phillips believes herself to be? Or was it to read the article, then regard its author with a mixture of pity and slight revulsion, much the same way you would observe a starving, three-legged one-eyed dog at the roadside, sadly twitching away the last moments of its life?

Such is the shift in the last twenty years or so, that it’s people like Phillips and Moir with their articles on ‘the gays’ (a term as outdated and archaic as the women and paper that printed it) who are now regarded as aberrant. People regard them with a kind of fascination; a caricature of days gone by that nobody actually believes can still exist.

How many straight people do you know who have posted that article on Facebook and said, “I totally agree with this woman”?

So do not vilify Melanie Phillips, for she is a poor, stupid creature. And you shouldn’t kick a dumb animal when it does something wrong just because it lacks intelligence.

Instead, let’s all give her a great big gay old hug. Because as she bleats pathetically from her bigoted, dark little corner, she does so knowing she’s a dying breed.

And let’s face it, after the lambasting she’s going to get — she’s going to need one.

Bitch.

Written by guy_interrupted

January 24, 2011 at 10:48 pm

20 Responses

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  1. The woman believes in creationism, is against abortion even in cases of rape and wishes to return to the pre-post-feminist era when she wouldn’t be in a position to write for a paper anyway.

    For someone who bleats on about traditional family values and the importance of child raising, I cant help but wonder about what a sinister and macabre parental structure she had.

    Her parents failed her most regrettably.

    Daniel Sturman

    January 24, 2011 at 10:58 pm

  2. Couldnt agree more! The closer we get to true equality not just legally but socially, the higher and more shrill the voices of such bigots are going to become. In doing so, the vast majority will see them for the hatred & fear the represent, and abandon them until the voices become so high & shrill only dogs will hear them.
    That’s not to say let Philips and her Daily Fail cronies get away with it. Far from it! But wit and intelligent comment goes a huge way to proving equality is right. Would you rather listen to someone talking sense, or shrill battle-axe trying to protect innocent children from gay-making stay-at-home-dad seahorses!
    At the end the battle for equality can never be won or lost it can only end in a draw and you know you’re getting close to that draw when the opponents ratchet up the perils of defeat to such ridiculous levels.

    Nick

    January 24, 2011 at 11:13 pm

  3. I really do feel sorry for people like Ms Phillips. I mean to waste your life in the pursuit of a campaign of hatred over something, which clearly has no direct significance on her life – such a waste.

    but let her say what she wants. Her viewpoints and opinions are as pointless as the individuals who buy the paper in which she spews her venom. These types of people only thrive off of the public reaction we give them when they do print this kind of crap. which is only preaching to the same dieing audience.

    She’s old school Tory. I take my satisfaction not from the what comes from this, but from the fact Cameron is bending over backwards to show his Tory party has moved past the dark days of the 80’s (although im still not totally convinced). that must be such a bitter pill for her to swallow. heh.

    kidwithnoname

    January 24, 2011 at 11:20 pm

  4. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Mark, Peter, Lee Ross Oldfield, Nick de Figueiredo, Allan Blackey and others. Allan Blackey said: Annoyed with what s***e Melanie Philips was spouting in the Mail today? Read @guy_interruptd's genius blog response http://bit.ly/ia1b3A [...]

  5. “Sneaky gays”

    I prefer the term “Ninja Gays”

    *launches perfectly accessorised shuriken*

    Mik Cowans

    January 24, 2011 at 11:53 pm

  6. I refuse to let blind bigots like her annoy me anymore, we hear this diatribe every week, wheeled out by one arse or another. As long as each one of us in our own way does our bit to make a difference, in the long term…WE win!! Well said as ever, and keep it up!.xx

    Vincent from Belfast

    January 25, 2011 at 12:03 am

  7. I’d be angry if it wasn’t all so obvious. As you say, she’s preaching to the converted in the Mail, with their halcyon tinged glasses remembering the good old days when the church could hide paedophiles with no pressure and the Daily Mail supported the British Fascist Party.
    Orrible people, orrible paper, orrible readers.

    Paul Bestall

    January 25, 2011 at 12:34 am

  8. [...] There’s also a piece about why we should feel sorry for the pitiful Ms Phillips by the brilliant Guy_Interrupted, and THAT post by the magnificent Danny Baxandall, aka @Baxfail. I kid you not, this is an [...]

  9. You’re right, we should pity her. There are so many holes in her arguments that she’s obviously clutching at straws along with her pearls!

    andy_by_sea

    January 25, 2011 at 8:33 am

  10. Ive just sat here reading this, and I must say that Kristian you are a fabulous writer! Very cleaver with words and extremely witty!

    In fact I’ve loved this so much, Ive passed it around the office for people opinions and thoughts just for a good old big gay discussion!

    Keep up with the good work, Certainly has my whole office talking and mostly in agreement with you!!

    Looking forward to the next one!!

    Gary Mathews

    January 25, 2011 at 9:12 am

  11. The women must be nuts, im a gay single dad and all the parents at my daughters school except my sexuality. The teachers all know and they have discussed this in class, due to my daughter taking me in on show and tell day. The world is changing and the trouble with people like her is that she still wants to live in the past.

    jayson perkins

    January 25, 2011 at 11:48 am

  12. Another fantastic post!

    Having personally experienced the lies that the Daily Fail give out, I can only say that it is only a matter of time before they will have to change their views or close. I don’t think it will be long before the advertiser take notice of the generation that says it’s not right and stop advertising with them.

    With the attitude moving so very much just in the time since I’ve come out. it is only a matter of time before the attitude shift is complete.

    As more and more of the generation that doesn’t care who you sleep with gets to the stage of running the country, the shift will only continue to move in the completely opposite direction of Melanie Phillips’s views

    Paul

    January 25, 2011 at 1:24 pm

  13. [...] daemon. (Better?) people have already hogged that bandwagon (my favourite blog entry can be found here and this came back out from September 2007), but I am going to finish this section of my blog with [...]

  14. Dying breed. I love it. What a great read! And I love the bitch full stop at the end.

    muza1980

    February 2, 2011 at 10:36 pm

  15. It’s too bad for her that most people in this country barely even care about this anymore.
    This is going to happen whether she likes it or not, and eventually she will be dead and the new generation will be more tolerant, then they’ll be dead and the new generation will be more tolerant etc.

    Similar to how racism is much less prevalent than it used to be.

    I suspect that religion will decline in the same way. In fact, we know that it already has started to decline.

    JRHM

    March 28, 2011 at 10:36 pm

  16. I think you hit that nail firmly on it’s head – ensuring her hate filled hat has been pinned firmly to her sour bonce, for all to see.

    lukelammy

    April 27, 2011 at 3:53 pm

  17. Quality writing, loving your blog.

    AL

    August 24, 2011 at 6:42 am

  18. Phenomenal website! Cool breakdown of the topic! Your posts are very interesing! Nice work.

    wozy ascenizacyjne

    September 20, 2011 at 3:43 pm

  19. Brilliant writing. Wish Melanie Phillips would read it.

    Jesslw

    January 25, 2012 at 3:23 pm

  20. Smeggypants

    May 16, 2012 at 11:05 pm


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